Saturday, June 25, 2011

Five Things You Would Like Back


       Would you have an answer for me if I ask you to name five things that you have lost or given away that you can never get back?  I really want some feedback on this one; I hope if you read this, you will give me some. 
      I don’t have a lot of regrets or “wish I would haves”, I really don’t. I have always lived on the edge pretty much, trying to have everyone in the family have every experience that I thought was worth a sacrifice all along the way.  Since I was a girl, I lived with the knowledge that life can end on an ordinary day when you least expect it. I learned that October 16, 1967, on a typical school day.  I decided that day in the back seat, on the passenger side,  of a four door,  navy blue,  Impala, that we should grab the brass ring the first time it comes around in case that’s the only time it comes around in our lifetime.  I was dumbfounded by the news that my father had died about two o’clock earlier that afternoon.
       So my answers would be that: one material thing I gave away was all my trophies and ribbons I won in horse shows and rodeos for barrel racing, pole bending and trail class.  I tried some other events but they had pretty laughable endings. The weird thing is I just threw the trophies in the trash, a year ago when I cleaned out Moms house that had all my junk in it from when I moved here.  At the point of cleaning out her house, I was so overwhelmed with “STUFF” that I was just sick of cleaning. There was thirty years’ worth of a whole families “things” crammed in that house! I saved one trophy and two belt buckles and threw out the rest. My thinking was, I have no space for things I don’t need. I told myself, “I don’t need these or even have a place to display them, that was then and this is now…can’t take em’ with you Pam so pitch it”! I don’t wish I had kept them either - just taken a photo of them before the final pitch!
      Something I’m happy I gave away that I can’t get back is -  the time I spent cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, being a room mother….being “just a stay at home wife and mother”. I knew I didn’t have the constitution with my anxiety and sleep problems, to be able to hold down and full time job and do a good job taking care of kids, and a house and not be a “basket case” trying to be good at all of it. Kerry didn’t have the patience or the willingness to help much with the kids either, so for us it was best that he worked away from home and I took care of the house and kids. I’m happy I can’t get it back because I don’t have the energy for all that now, but I enjoyed all the work it was,  and being there for  every little thing and every big thing the kids did.  
        I really don’t know if I have any regrets about passing up the chance to go to college at eighteen or not. I used to say I did,  and maybe still do some,  but I enjoyed college a lot when I was older and I don’t know if I would have when I was eighteen. However, it always bothered me that I only had a high school diploma and I did lose the college experience being married so young - so that’s something I lost for sure. I have my moments of wishing I were more successful at something…I just don’t want it to interfere with my life ha!
           Another thing that I lost that I wish I could get back is my brown and white agate ring.  It was the only real ring I got from my Dad and I let my boyfriend at the time wear it on a chain. He got mad at me on a motorcycle ride, jerked the chain off and threw the ring in the pasture…I hunted and hunted but never found it. I’d like to have that back.
            I also lost some rings back when I was driving back and forth from ND. to AZ.  I had taken Ambien, a sleeping medication I took when I absolutely had to sleep, and it has an amnesia effect.  I left my rings in a hotel in Santa Fe, NM.  And of course no one found them. I still can barely talk about it or forgive myself. It was a ring I got when Kerry and I went to Jamaica that had my Mom’s birthstone in it, and my 25th anniversary ring.   Ah, enough about that, I get panic stricken thinking about it! So that’s my five things I lost or gave away.
         I know a lot of people, myself included, are thinking of all the loss in Minot right now with the massive flooding they are having there.  We would all love to have that back.  It’s hard to keep your mind on anything else, even for us who are far from it, when you love Minot. How can you see those homes and businesses underwater, and not feel loss and sadness for the community, and the good people that live there.
       North Dakota people are some of the hardest working, honest, humble, people in the United States. They are emotionally tough, and conditioned to adverse weather, but this is (pardon my choice of words), over the top, even for them!
         My hope for Minot, is for those of us with homes high and dry, or out of state, is to open our hearts and resources to those who are displaced and watching their homes and businesses fill up with water. This is a loss that we can get back with some unity, some brotherly love and some patience. If anyone can rebuild the magic the Minot people can, especially with some help!