My Top Five Reasons to Sparkle This Year

My Top Five Reasons to Sparkle This Year

1. My Own Health - If I had one wish I would wish for my kids and family, it’s to take care of themselves along the way while you live life. Personally I think your days are numbered, but how you take care of yourself can impact how healthy you live out those days. You hear Dr. Phil, and so many counselors, preach to always keep yourself healthy you must “take care of yourself first.” For many in my generation, we were taught to always think of your elders first. We didn’t like that as kids so we adjusted that so far that it was all about the kids, to the point of actually hurting ourselves. Hopefully today’s parents have it just right. Putting myself first, still pulls some guilt up to say that, but I’m going to try it for this year and see how that works for me since I’ve been listening when Dr. Phil says, “How’s that past been workin for ya?”


2. God wants it for me. Whenever things are hard, you’d think I would go towards something that makes me feel better…and I do eventually, but first I run away from God and stay away from church. I don’t even say my prayers regularly, and the more time goes by the less I feel worthy to show up on his door step a mess again…. but eventually I do. When he lets me back in he always seems to show me a grander plan than I had on my own but only after I’ve wandered awhile. Kind of like when you’re a parent and your child runs off in a store. You watch protectively and hope they learn a lesson when they realize they are lost.
When Brendon was little he made a pin in Sunday school that says, “Never Run Away From God”. The pin managed to stay in a safe place and even made its way to Phoenix when we moved. I have it by the kitchen door, and admire it often. You know what they say about “out of the mouths of babes”.


3. My husband. Kerry and I have always been like oil and water one minute, and madly in love the next. The kids would tell you while they were growing up,  we were either screaming and fighting or snuggled up on the couch. The last few years the oil and water part is still there - but the madly in love has been… ehhh not so much. As the songs on my I pod played through on my walk the other day Paul Overstreet came on. He was singing A Long Line of Love. It goes, “when times get rough we don’t give up... forever’s in my heart and in my blood, yes, we come from a long line of love”. Kerry hates Paul Overstreet, he calls his music “candy ass”, so I snickered when I thought of that but, teared up at the sentiment of it. Most older couples who kept the knot tied will tell you, there have been times during their marriage that they wondered if they’d make it through the rough times and there will be rough times if you're married long enough.
      I am proud of myself for sticking with it, and proud of Kerry for sticking with it because it would have been easier to walk away, and probably still would be at times with this distance thing. However, I hope we can always love each other, be the kind of companions that share a bond that you can count on to the end. Long marriages are rare these days; nearly extinct. Kerry and I both need to accept where we are now, realize that our marriage today is different than what it was, learn to be kinder and be the couple that’s right for us, not what or where the world thinks we should be.

　

4. My Kids. Anyone that knows me, knows my kids are my world. From the time I knew I was going to be a mother, I knew what I was here to do. We have our warts and moles like all families, but I know that all three of the kids would say I have always been there for them and loved them above all else, probably too much, if anything. You can lose your own life in them, and I have been good at that.
    Brendon’s one of the most sensitive men I know and I can tell him anything. I admire him so much for the way he’s played the hand he’s been dealt which is a tough one.
Shelbey is just so easy to be around, kind and always looking out for others. She's so good to me. Sydney is my soul sister. We are really close and two of the same, so that makes for love and WAR but its all love in the end.

5.  My sisters. My older sister Marcy has lived here her whole adult life. She was fourteen when I was born, and my second Mom. She takes on my problems like  a Mom would. I can tell her something in the evening, and by morning she has an idea for me... because she cares that much. She’s somebody I’d choose for a friend even if she wasn’t my sister. Marcy has four beautiful daughters inside and out. They have included me in their lives since I came here and I don’t know what I would have done without them and their families. I even get to go to all the birthday parties and enjoy being able to see them often.
     I have already written about Kathy previously. She and I were only eighteen months apart and as different as night and day. We shared the same life at home, because we were so far behind the other two kids. We have a unique bond to have been there since the beginning.  She means the world to me as does her family.
     I also had a brother who was died as a result of a car accident and he has two daughters that are very important to me.

　

That’s my top five. I have a lot of aquaintences, and a few good friends as well, that give me reason to be a better me.  I don’t know if one should need any reasons to push yourself toward your best self but it doesn’t come naturally for me. Instead, I guess I like to wonder around the store, lost, till I’m in trouble.

Looks A Lot Like Jenga

     Have you ever played Jenga? I haven’t actually played it because…. ok this may sound strange, but I don’t like games where there’s potential for aggravating noise. Kathy and Mom used to play Yahtzee and I never joined in. Listening to five dice hit the table three times for each play was not my idea of fun, let alone some people shake it five minutes before dumping them out! Today, I decided working on myself and finding the real me after all these years is a lot like a game of Jenga.

     My initial fired up feeling over adding some sparkle to my life, ebbed a little today. I’ve not had a Coke in three days and I’ve exercised every day. So, besides admitting that I need a higher power to keep me from my Coke addiction, the exercise part confirmed that I’m the laziest person on the planet! When it comes to physical exercise, I’m a wuss!

     I have back problems, but I’ve complained about that so much I can’t stand to listen to myself even, so I’m going to skip whining about that. My heels however, I am going to whine about! I have not had tennis shoes on them in a couple years. I’m the croc queen and before you start gasping some of them are really cute! They have attractive flats that no one even knows are crocs, and for my back problems they are the bomb! But my heels have gotten to be so tender I can’t wear real shoes.

    Yesterday, I walked around the neighborhood. Today though, I got Sydney to help me pull my treadmill out of the corner and after only a couple gouges in the wall, we got it laid down and positioned. I purposely waited until Sydney went to Zumba before I started my exercise “routine” (eleven minutes, hush now) so she couldn’t say anything about how long I stayed on there. If it was up to her, she’d train me like Jillian Michaels on the biggest loser! Refer to paragraph one…I’m a wuss remember? Nobody’s screaming in my face to push harder! This is a sparkle campaign not torture!

    After grunting and struggling and that was just getting my shoes on, I was thinking, these don’t feel to bad! I got on the treadmill and hunted around for where the key goes in. That’s telling how long since I’ve used it and there was a time I never missed a day walking 4 miles on it. I’d go home from a holiday and walk. After I got the key in, I dusted off the dashboard and thought to myself this thing is as dusty as I feel right now!
     So I started on my walk thinking….“ my shoes don’t feel to bad, YET!” So, I walked eleven minutes which is nothing I know but I do not want to hurt my back so I decided I’m going to add a minute a day for the first couple weeks. I’m going over to Marcy’s tomorrow to help with the kids, and I want to walk thru the door without a cane when she meets me with her neck brace.

    On the bright side, which is the only side that matters, I ate healthy all day, got my pantry cleaned out, signed up for three more drug classes {not for myself, for my education ha), and a jewelry class. Brendon called me to have dinner with him Friday. That invitation made my day, I really love to hang out with the kids.

    Back to Jenga, you build your way to the top a little at a time. Sometimes your only move looks shaky and the top seems a long way away. Other people might think you’re making a wrong move, but it works for you and the tower still stands! Even in the worse case scenario, it makes an annoying racket and tumbles down. If that happens players just start over and build it back up! The game goes on, the game can always go on.
　

Heading into 2011

    Don't we all have thoughts and resolutions looking at a new year? This year I'm going to...this year I’m NOT going to....? I don’t like the word resolution, it kind of pulls up failure right behind it in my head, so lets just say these are some of my "thoughts" for 2011.

    I am a believer that everything happens for a reason. Nothing is coincidental. If you knew me well you would know that I, like many of you, have struggled with more than my fair share of trials this last few years. Off and on all day and especially in bed at night I have been asking myself what am I going to do with each one of them? What am I going to do with me so I can handle them differently? How can I can be happy in the mist of problems I can't change. Because I honestly haven’t been very happy with much for quite awhile - hence the dreary rainy page right now.

     I got the most unique Christmas gift this year from my sister Kathy and her two kids. Three childrens books. I'm fifty five years old, and of course my first reaction was I don't even have grandchildren to read childrens books to. Kathy however is fully with it, and rarely gives a gift with no meaning so I can't say I was too concerned just curious. I'm sure my face was puzzled and bewildered looking as I wondered what is this supposed to mean? The first book was from Kathy, my sister. It was titled "And She Sparkled". It was about a little girl who was born with sparkle, danced and sang. She loved being herself. Somewhere along the way she became an adult and she lost the Sparkle. In the middle of the book she's in a dark place but eventually finds her sparkle again at the end of the book. Kathy wrote in the cover of it, “It’s Your Time to Sparkle”. And it's not my resolution, remember I hate that word but its a goal for not only 2011 but the rest of my life.

     Tiffany, Kathy’s daughters book was about when you get down to remember that God always believes in you, when you feel alone, God believes in you and all the times that you think its just you in the mess, God is with you. I've been a Lutheran all my life and love my Lutheran heritage. There’s a Lutheran Church up on a hill back in North Dakota where I was born and raised and when it was built they had English services one Sunday and Norwegian the next. That’s how my parents met. My Mother on the English side and my father on the Norwegian side. Over the years however life has made me what I call spiritual in that without my belief that God is leading the way, trying to teach me something in all these less than happy things,  I would not have survived. So Tiffanys book was really fitting for me too right now, because when you get down you don't want to go to church or anywhere else. One thing I know for sure, is when you least feel like doing something or going somewhere is when you need to the most.

     Spencer, Kathy’s 20 year old sons book was a funny one about an affectionate Aunt that always came and kissed her little nephew whether he wanted to be or not. It was a game with them, she'd find him and kiss him and he always ran away from her! Later when she wasn’t there to kiss him anymore, he missed her and when her car pulls up he goes out and kisses her. Spencer wrote in the front page, “this book reminds me of our relationship…I love and miss you”.

This year I'm going to try to not over think things because it causes me unhappiness, and is contributing to my sadness. I’m also focusing on being aware that in real love respect and honor are there, and I’m not going to accept less of either of those than I deserve anymore from ANYONE. I'm going to love myself more instead of waiting for somebody else to provide what I need or feel they owe me. And I don't mean in a monetary way I mean treat myself with kindness and put myself on the same page as I put the rest of my family. At 55, its time to laugh at the things that have stained me with insecurity and fear along the way, and stand my own ground. Its not going to be easy but I’m going to work at it this year! But its not a resolution remember!

    I invite you to comment, give me ideas, help me see things I may be missing.

                                                        Cheers!