The Joshua Tree

I always liked this story; I don’t know who actually wrote it because I heard versions of it that had to have been written long before Tom Waits was born, which is the one I'm going to tell. It’s a little different than his but, I think he’s the one who takes credit for it these days, so give credit where credit is due if it’s Mr. Waits. Ours came from a book of fables.  It was called the fable of the Joshua tree back in my day and I always loved it. Now that I'm older I realize Joshua trees don't grow where logging trees are that I know of..but "never my mind", like Sydney used to say when she was little.  It goes like this.

Long, long ago, in a dense forest there were thousands of tall, and beautifully perfect trees. They were so proud of themselves; after all, they were God’s chosen ones, that was obvious. They were straight and stretched towards the heavens with open arms and closed spirits.

Among them here and there, were a few ugly trees compared to the magesty of the perfect trees. The Joshua trees branches were twisted and gnarled. The roots were sticking out of the ground on some, and the limbs were uneven and bent.  All the beautiful trees made fun of these ugly trees.

“Are you hunchbacks?” “You’re so ugly you couldn’t get a job at a haunted house”!  Oh, the teasing never stopped.  The laughter coming from above made the ugly trees feel sad and useless.  But, they never said much, what good would it do? They quietly believed God had a purpose for their lives too. But the ugly trees did spend more time than they should have(nobody's perfect) wishing they were as beautiful as the other trees, and asking why God let this happen to them?  They asked, "what good am I,  I can never provide shade to the travelers, or even nests  for the birds in my crooked, prickly, twisted branches".  Nobody needed them it seemed!

Woodcutters came to the forest one day, driving their huge logging trucks. That site  was pretty much any trees worst nightmare!  After looking over both the straight and crooked trees, surprisingly, the boss logger shouted out, "Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest."  Another woodcutter shouted back, “The tall trees are really some beauties boss, you’re right… we gotta have ‘em.”  Chop, chop, chop went the woodcutter’s axes and one by one the tall trees started to fall. “None of us is going to be spared,” screamed one of the beautiful trees!  Soon that tree too was brought to ground by the woodcutter’s axe. There was an eerie silence in the forest now.

 The woodcutters turned all the straight trees into lumber that day. They became things like toothpicks and toilet paper. And the crooked trees are still there, growing stronger and stranger, and more twisted every day.

 The moral to the story was that God has a plan for all of us, no matter what we look like or how things seem at the moment. We should always be gracious and kind and accept all people while we wait for the big picture to unfold..

 A couple of summers ago, Lori Moore and I drove through the Joshua trees on our way to San Diego and I thought of this fable. I thought I have to remember to tell that one to the kids! Guess you’re all "the kids" today. 

  

Mental Floss

Have you ever had a friendship you thought would never, ever end? Instant death too, I’m talking about! Not the typical, “we drifted apart when she had children and I didn’t”. Not, “I moved” or “she moved”… nothing like that. I had a twenty year friendship that ended that way, ten years ago. She disappeared out of my life and it’s a cold case file.  Out of the blue,  she just wouldn’t come to the phone, wouldn’t call me back, wouldn’t answer my cards and letters I sent asking,  and finally begging, her to tell me what was wrong?  

          I have no enemies that I know of.  Oh, I have people who don’t like me for whatever reasons,  I’m sure,  but  I don’t stay mad long,  and I try and work out disagreements that inevitably happen between people. When they can’t be worked out, I can easily “agree to disagree” and respect their side of what you don’t see eye to eye on.  I choose to keep my own opinion without winning them over.  For me to be cut off from someone, so important to my everyday life was much like a divorce although maybe those of you who’ve had one of those, are thinking, “ya right”! It’s like a stranger than life case you see on TV. You know where the person goes missing.  Someone you’d least expect to do that. They never get in contact with you. There’s no ending, no answers and no justice.

          I grieved the loss of her like a divorce or death. I drove my family and some of her family crazy, bending their ear about what should I do to fix what I didn’t know was broken?  I must have done something horrendous, but what, I ask myself?  Why don’t I get a chance to at least defend what I did… if I did something, said something, didn’t do something, or should have done something! Whatever it was I blamed myself, I obviously did something!  

           I comforted  her after she lost a baby, she comforted me when I had a miscarriage, we shared all our sons t-ball games, baseball games, proms, school programs, girls nights out, birthday parties. One of the nicest cards I’d ever gotten in my life I got from this her, with a whole page written about how much she depended on my friendship. I just threw it away, last time I was in Minot. It took me that many years to part with it.  

          I went through all the stages of grief, and then anger. Anger, that she would do this to my kids too. Make them question what friends are, and drop out of their lives. I’d move forward in grief and then fall back to feeling sorry for myself.  Self-remorse, self-hatred that has always been my mantra for everything wrong in my life.  Whatever I must have done or said haunted me.

        If you are going through grief for any kind of loss, the stages of grief are:

 1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", not accepting or even acknowledging the loss. (I rationalized something must be going on with her husband, he never did like me, the fat friend.)  

 2-Anger-"why me?" or feelings of wanting to fight back, or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them.

3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss if it’s one you’re expecting, but can happen after the loss as well. Attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to stay come back.

4-Depression -overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self-pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams.

 5-Acceptance - there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that the person is gone.

I finally chalked it up to insanity. I reviewed everything I tried to do. I contacted her probably six times. I decided, I did all I can do. I finally cut the string and let the hot air she’d filled me with float away.  I turned my goal toward my own personal growth. Not going to say I don’t have a scar there on my tree trunk because I do, but I’m ok with it.  

         Strange thing is this friend had a history of not talking to her family members for years at a time, but I never thought she’d do that to me! Isn’t that bizarre in hindsight that I didn’t think she’d do it to me? Don’t you have to do something? She has a sister she hasn’t spoken to for nine years.  Maybe you are thinking, what was I thinking, being friends with her in the first place? But she was a well-liked, respected person and has a lot of people duped into thinking she is sincere.

         Lately, she has been leaving comments under my face book comments, because we know a lot of the same people.  I blocked her so I don’t even see her name. Now she is contacting my kids to be Facebook friends.  Feels a little like having some screws turned into you one crank at a time.

          Am I wrong, not wanting her anywhere around my kids, my family or my life? I finally digested all the pain from that, decided I am not going to let her treat me like I’m disposable, and I really don’t want her in my life anymore. I don’t think about her and I don’t want to start, because we all know I have an obsessive mind. I have never let myself that close to any girlfriend again. I’m the jilted lover that stayed single ha.  Actually that was kind of the end of girlfriends for me. I have some girlfriends, but I keep myself an arm’s length away.

         I feel somewhat unChristian like saying I don’t want her back in my comfort zone, but I don’t. I don’t want an apology, I don’t want to see her name and I don’t want to hear about her. For years I was asked about her every time I ran into people.  If I unexpectedly bump into her sometime, I have no idea how I’ll feel or act. Like I said I like everyone… so it’s new territory for me not to just be friendly.

        This blog is a stress reliever, a way to let things go. Her requesting my kids today makes me feel like she’s too close to my world. I used to want an explanation, then an apology and even though I feel she owes me that… I don’t want it now.  I have higher standards for myself these days! I listened when Dr. Phil said, “when someone shows you what they are the first time, believe it”! I am taking the advice I’d give my kids if they were in this situation, which would be “stay away, you don’t need to be brought down by mean girls. I don’t either.

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.  ~Author Unknown

Our Favorite Easy Lemon Cupcakes

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. (Take out your cream cheese and butter to soften to room temp for your frosting later... lay aside.)

Mix together:
•4 eggs
•1 package (2-layer size) lemon cake mix ( I like the Duncan Hines Supreme )
•1 package (4 serving size) instant lemon pudding mix
•3/4 cup water
•1/3 cup vegetable oil

 Bake at 350. Makes about a dozen and a half reg cupcakes. They take about twenty minutes, depending on your oven. Don't overbake them...you don't want them looking brown around the edges..just bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. That way they will be nice and moist!  

After completely cool, frost with:

8 oz softened cream cheese

1/2  cup softened butter
2 drops of yellow food coloring (optional)

1 teas. of real lemon EXTRACT...NOT JUICE
1lb of powdered sugar... I start with this ant that's usually enough. Then I add a tiny bit of milk or half and half  until the right spreading consistancy ...if its to thin add sugar...too think a lil more milk or cream.

Pipe or spread the frosting on cupcakes ( I usually use way more than shown on this pic, you know what they say go big or go home ha.)  Top with large crystaline sugar, lemon candy or fresh lemon rind.

These cupcakes are really easy, super moist and yummy!

Where's Mike?

           Where was that Mike guy from the TV show dirtiest jobs, when I was a kid? Some of the jobs we had at the Stave farm was material enough for Mike to show up, and give it a try.

Mike Rowe from Dirtiest Jobs

             First of all, how would you like to dump horse urine jugs (old Hilex jugs) into a bigger barrel for your chores? Taking a shot to the eye or lip was pretty bad and it was almost a daily thing! The only people, who probably smelled worse than us, were the kids that milked cows before school, and there were plenty of them too. All so some women could prevent child birth somewhere, or quell hot flashes…crazy thought!

Cultivating in an 806, a far cry from the machinary used today!

               I cultivated fields and never minded that so much, even though it was a very dirty job, because you had to hand pump fuel first. Back and forth, back and forth but it wasnt too bad because I had a cab on the tractor, a good radio, and I just drove around and around being careful of wet spots so as not to get stuck,  and sang to the radio all day. Sonny was fussy about how I finished the corners and rode with me until I knew how to do it right.  I was supposed to go only so fast, with the cultivator sunk in so deep. I will admit now that when I knew I was out of the range of the road or the house, where I couldn’t be seen, I lifted the cultivator a little so the tractor went faster when it wasn’t pulling so hard. Being a kid I didn’t think about the fuel I was burning just to skim the ground and not kill weeds etc. But gosh darn it… a Sat night date took some getting ready, and I wanted to get done!

water jug with the drinking spout like we had

             A job I hated was being dumped off in a field with a water jug and a Twinkie or two or three with little bales as far as you could see. Sonny was our older brother and the “foreman” in charge of Kathy and me.  He’d say,” I’ll be back and check on you later”.  The first thing we’d do is take the little cap off the drinking spout on our dirty old red and white drinking thermos and have a slurp of water. Then to gear up for this monumental task we’d break into our lunch and eat one of the Twinkies.  Jeeze, it’s quiet out here, we’d say to each other…only a few bees, horseflies and “piss ants (as Sonny called them)” buzzing around...maybe an occasional dragon fly. Time to start six packing, I guessss… and we never wanted to disappoint him or Mom!  Dragging six bales together we made six packs consisting of three bales rolled on their sides and lined up beside each other, then two bales the other way on top of those, covering the cracks so rain didn’t run in, topped off with one bale on the top. If we were lucky there were no pink baby mice under the bales, or any mothers around either! Seemed like forever before Sonny came and got us again with our empty lunch bucket and warm water jug!

Wheel rake...to travel on the road you had to lift the rake wheels and hook a chain to keep them raised!

              Raking hay wasn’t a bad job, probably my favorite unless it was really hot,  except no cab made it dusty.  Sonny would have mowed the hay days earlier, and when it had dried it was ready to be raked and baled. I would usually rake and he would bale at the same time on the same field, and it was nice having him in the field with me, I liked having him going a few rows away. He liked to follow the rake to be assured the hay in rows didnt get rained on which can make for moldy hay. The big tines on the rake would pull the hay into windrows and then he could come along with the baler and feed it into the baler. The baler would spit out bales one at a time. He usually drug another contraption along called a"bale buncher" that after six would get in the bale buncher, he could pull the rope and release them. That was a neat invention for us sixpackers, as then there were six already there we just had to stack em. Every once in a while when I was raking,  I would accidently leave a windrow on top of a rock I hadn't seen, and he would hit it with the baler! Then I’d hear Sonny cussing over the sound of his radio! The worst part of raking was lifting the reels up to travel. Sometimes I remember crying out there because I couldn’t get them and I was hot and dirty. Usually a good cry boosted my strength somehow, and I got them raised so I could travel home on the road with the rake. They were never happy with us if we unhitched and came home with just the tractor.



A good feeling to have a field all raked and neat!



           I never mowed, baled or hauled bales. Mom hired bale haulers, and I drove the tractor and bale wagon from six pack to six pack that Kathy and I had made. Depending on whether the bale haulers she hired were cute or not, was the deciding factor as to whether this was technically a dirty job or not. Kerry was one she hired, so I was more than willing to drive tractor that year!

This is not our farm house but the upstairs windows were high like this

            Another dirty job I hated on the farm after our Dad passed away, was putting the screens or storm windows on the upstairs windows of the house. Mom was scared of heights so she didn’t want to do it, and neither did we.  We didn’t trust Sonny to give us a smooth ride or lift because he was always trying to scare us.  First, he’d always have to give us a wild fast ride right up to the house while we were in the bucket trying to hold on to a glass window! He’d drive fast right up to the house so it looked like you may crash right into the house! Next he’d raise the bucket lifting us up, as high as that bucket could reach. The hydraulics lifting the bucket were shiny even, because they rarely got extended that high! Of course the windows or screens(this was a twice a year job no less!) never went right on either…they always seemed swollen and didn’t want to fit. After listening to Sonny yell over the tractor at us about how to do it, and worrying he was going to give us a wilder ride if we didn’t get it on, finally we snapped the final snap and the windows were on! Praise the Lord the window was on!   Then Sonny would drop us straight down with the speed of a crashing elevator and stop abruptly about a foot from the ground. Legs shaking we’d crawl out of the bucket happy to be alive. He’d be laughing his evil brother giggle and his I scared you laugh, which he delighted in.  I think Kathy did that dirty job more than I did, because after a time or two I developed a fear of heights too, I’m no dummy!

Tractor and bucket like the one Sonny lifted us to the windows with..

            The job of rounding up a hundred and forty horses from two pastures with just two kids on horseback, and Sonny in an old blue pickup truck had to be a daunting task after Dad died.  Sonny would catch the stallions and lead them home one at a time, with his arm out the window of his old blue Chevy truck. The stallions would be pawing and striking and acting crazy the whole way, especially our appalosa stallion Hot Moccasins. If we had any visitors that day, or later any brother in laws Sonny had, they would get to hold the stallion out the passenger side and he’d laugh his evil laugh all the way home because he loved scaring the heck out of someone! Once the stallions were in Kathy and I would go after the horses. Keep in mind rounding up horses are not like herding cows…they can out run your horse some of them, and try to every chance they get!   Kathy and I would ride one on each side of the herd of mares with their colts, and Sonny would sit in his blue Chevy truck on a hill at some cut off point, and bang on the door and yell out instructions. If they got by us  then he'd call us names out of pure frustration!  At the time that seemed like the end of the world if they got by us.  I’m not talking bad about Sonny but that’s just how it went ( and this blog is only my perspective).  He had a temper and would get mad if they got around us and we were just kids doing adult work.  Mom and Phyllis and later Leslie and Shannon would come out and stand in strategic places. Mom was always ready with opening the gates etc, and she'd run anywhere she could on foot to help out. She was always a nervous wreck those round up days and I can see why now. What a monumental task every fall!

          If one in the herd started to get away from us, the whole bunch would go and we’d have to ride wide open over the hills, dodging gopher holes and praying all the while that your beloved horse doesn’t step in one and break his leg, or fall with you. Clark fell on me one time when we came over a side hill and he lost his footing. He fell on me and was up faster than he fell almost! I didn’t get hurt much, a twisted ankle is all. The amazing part to Kathy and me now when we talk about our young lives, is just how young we were, and how hard we tried to please Sonny and we had a real resolve to help Mom and Sonny carry on after Dad died. Somehow we always got the horses in… the quarter horses first then we’d go back for the appaloosas.  The colts were separated from the mothers next, and that involved some fancy gate work for Mom ha! We were quite the ranch hands at twelve and ten and on over the years, if i say so myself.

           The winter weather was another challenge. Sometimes the roads would blow shut and we would have to haul hay to the barn with a horse on the toboggan walking along side it in waist deep snow. Can we say exhausting? After Sonny moved over into the yard that was better because he was there to keep hay in the barn.

               There were a lot of dirty jobs on a farm, but I’m glad I grew up there. When I was eighteen I was ready to move to town. I left home after I graduated in 1973, but still came home when it was time to bring the horses in in the fall. Still today, I like to visit the solitude of the farm yet but I prefer to live in town where it doesn’t seem so desolate. The perfect combination is a house in town with animal privileges.  That’s the best of both worlds for me.

Sonny and Brendon

               Sonny was killed in a car accident when I was twenty eight.That was a shock and a huge blow to our family. He was a quiet guy, a reader of Louis LaMoure books, not one for public functions. If he’d had a few beers he was so funny, he could have been a comedian! He had the best sense of timing and came up with a funny answer to everything. He was a sensitive guy, a thinker, a worrier, but didn't let that show much. He was so handsome! Our Dad's passing had left him with a huge responsibility when he was only in his early twenties. He had his own little family to take care of, as well as a mother and two little sisters he felt responsible for besides, and he was really. He never really had a choice about what he wanted to do with his life. He just had it all dumped in his lap which had to be over whelming for him! He was under alot of pressure and I really I miss him. Sometimes I almost can’t remember his voice, or that laugh when he was pushing somebody’s buttons unless I dream about him. In dreams he’s exactly how he was. We were blessed to have him, and I wish he would have lived long enough to enjoy his grandkids because he loved kids and kids loved him. He was a dog lover too and always had his black lab Pepper, with him everywhere he went.

SAD!

              We had some dirty jobs which Mike could have made a show out of, but today when I can fix my own pool pump, and take care of my own house hold issues, many times I think, “thank God I’m a country girl, because I would not have survived if I wasn’t”!  They were dirty jobs but you know what they say about dirty jobs... someone’s got to do it!

A Dozen of My Favorite Movies

         What makes some movies stick with you for days, weeks, or make your list of favorite movies?  I saw The Help last night, and while it won’t make my list of my favorite movies it certainly is in my mind yet today, and had a lot to say about racism. I liked it very much.  Although a discussion about best movies can go on forever,  these are my top favorites.

1.  My very favorite movie of all time is Dirty Dancing! I was already a huge fan of Patrick Swayze from the mini-series The North and the South. I had no idea he was a dancer until I saw that movie. I remember seeing the movie and feeling high the whole way home. I wanted to watch it again and again! I was pregnant with Sydney at the time - 1988. I think I dragged everyone I knew to see it in the theater with me, and later watched it every day almost once it came out on VHS tape. In hindsight it was a diversion I used to me to keep from worrying about Sydney’s upcoming birth,  and the possibility of having post-partum depression, like I had after Shelbeys'  birth. I do that when I’m worried about something…create a diversion and a movie has always been a great way to escape for me. If I get mad  I’ve been known to storm out of the house and go to a movie. If one movie doesn’t change my state of mind I’ll go to another and by then I’m ready for sleep for sure.The next day everything is a little clearer, and I am ready to tackle the real world I checked out of a few hours, and a bag of popcorn ago!

2.  My second favorite movie is Planes Trains and Automobiles. I am a huge fan of John Candy; he starred in some great movies, such as The Great Outdoors, and Uncle Buck- but  I watch Planes, Trains and Automobiles almost every Thanksgiving. It is funny yes,  but more than that is a good lesson about prejudging people and  remembering what the holiday season is all about.

            3. Who doesn’t love The Notebook…romance, romance and more romance? Ryan Gosling is my favorite young actor, and he has done many good films. I’m still waiting for him to receive nominations and attention he should get. He was in Lars and the Real Girl, Half Nelson and Blue Valentine just recently. I go to anything he’s in just because he’s in it! Some actors play themselves in every role and Ryan Gosling is a different person in almost all of them.

4.  Parenthood I find so true to life, because it covers all the aspects of parenting that can really wear you down on a daily basis, and yet ends with such poignantcy concerning what life be like if not for all the chaos, and the love children bring.  

5.  I liked both the Father of the Bride I and II. Steve Martin was such a natural for those roles along with Dianne Keating, and I loved the story and I decided at the time I want the house in that movie in my next life!  Oh, and let’s not forget the feel good ending!

6.  Saved has a storyline is one that most of us have witnessed. Sometimes those who profess Christianity the most – seem to need the most saving. I loved this movie!

                                   

7.  Dan in Real Life is a movie I watched more than once, saw more than once in theaters, and laughed every single time! I loved that movie and the piano song about the girl with the pig nose just before the double date,  was hilarious!

8.  The Three Amigos was so funny in a silly kind of way back in the day.  I made Sydney watch that one a few months ago, and she liked it too even if she really didn’t want to admit it! Wow, I’m sounding like a big Steve Martin fan here…. I don’t know if I really am or not, but I have liked a lot of his work for sure!

9.  Step Brothers is the only movie I have on my IPod.  Although I’m not a huge fan of Will Ferrell usually this one was funny and one of my favorites as well.

10. The Hangover was one of the funniest movies I’d seen in years! The dentist was  my favorite character. I didn’t find the Hangover II as funny but still liked it!

11. No Strings Attached was my favorite movie I saw last year. Ashton Kucher played quite the romantic!

12. I really liked much of Mel Gibson’s’ work over the years. His last movie was called The Beaver, and it did a good job of translating how being mentally ill affects both the person suffering with the illness and the family immensely.

My list could go on and on, with but these are the movies that come to my mind without a lot of thought or planning. As you can probably tell,  I don’t like scary movies. I don’t call sitting on the edge of my seat and being startled and tense entertainment! I love romantic “chic flicks” or something humorous.

           Part of living my best life this year, is making time for those two hour escapes at the movies, whether that’s at the theater, complete with the 1000 calorie popcorn, or in my living room under the ceiling fan and my electric throw. For those two hours, I lose myself in another life, in another time,  and have some mental rest and relaxation.

     So how about you too pull out a good movie, and plan some rest and relaxation, one of these nights? Everybody needs some down time. 

           

Six Summer Favorites!

Check out my six favorite things this summer!

Sanuk yoga mat flip flops

 Try them, I say…I will not wear anything that is not comfortable and these are the best! Our whole family has them.

Keurig Coffee Pot

The little tea pods are about fifty cents apiece but such a treat! As a tea drinker there is no tea bag to mess with, and its ready in about a minute and just the right temp to drink!  They have great customer service as well!

 Case Logic SLRC-206 SLR Camera and 15.4-Inch Laptop Backpack

I hadn’t gotten a new camera case since the big kids were small. This one has room for everything! Lenses, extra cards, flash and even the tripod. If you have a bigger camera and take it traveling you’ll like it!

The Iphone

After having a droid for two years with nothing but trouble I love this phone! The applications are awesome and free!

Croc Flats

I love crocs, and the flats are cute, light and easy to travel with!


Scentsy Pots and Products

Scentsy has so many flameless pots and scents to make your home, car, locker or whatever you have smell great!

Random thoughts

      

       Have you ever had a thought that reoccurs over and over in your mind over the years?  I’m not OCD or anything so I don’t mean that kind of intrusive constant thoughts. But, for example, my Mother was very attached to the twenty third Psalm in the Bible. She pulled it up anytime she was really troubled, or someone died, or she feared for her own life. She told me while in childbirth when Sonny was born; the doctors kept giving her whiffs of chloroform from some kind of a mask. Shortly after the chloroform was administered she would see bright red and felt like it was flames or something. Frightened, she recited the twenty third Psalm to get through it. I thought I would share my reoccurring thoughts.  

       My main reoccurring thought comes from the Bible.  Mark 8:36 reads, “So what does it profit a man if you gain the whole world and lose your own life”.  If I am tempted be selfish or greedy, this verse always comes up. When I see examples of what greed has done to some people, I say to myself, see there…so what does it profit you if you gain the whole world but it’s morally wrong.  Is it there to keep me on the straight and narrow? It plays in my head all the time. I wonder why that reoccurs to me so often. When I know I’ll let you know ha.

       Another thought I have over and over, is the golden rule, “do unto others as you would have done unto you”.  Basically, it challenges me to behave toward others as I would like to have them behave toward me.  The golden rule is actually written in just about every important ancient book about behavior.  In the Bible, Matthew 7:12 says, “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets”.  The golden rule is also in the Talmud, the Koran, and the Analects of Confucius. It’s a basic human right and one I try to live by and stand up for.

        I always tell my kids “what goes around comes around”, which is a lot like the golden rule I guess, and probably why I like it.  I remember telling a particularly pushy Christian once in a casual conversation, that I believe in Karma, being “what goes around comes around”, and because that has  Buddhist roots, they looked at me like I just said, I am a loyal follower of Satan or something!

         I am affected by more than the Bible as to how I want to live my life; I’m affected by worldly things as well. A good movie can teach me something. Maybe I had never seen a point of view until the movie presents me with one and it sticks with me, changes me.  While reading books, I always keep a yellow highlighter with my book. I highlight what I want to remember, what impacts me. When I’m done reading the book, how much yellow is in the book is the deciding factor in whether I keep it or donate it or pass it on. Song lyrics are other peoples thoughts, and they influence me greatly as well. I’m known for pointing out clever lyrics to whoever will listen to me ha.

        After fifty five years on earth,  I still don’t have concrete answers about exactly what happens to us after death, about am I missing the heaven train if I can’t say I’m born again? Because I can’t, and the whole saved or not saved issue seems almost hoaxy to me.  If that offends anyone I’m sorry, I’m writing this from my own perspective.  If this makes me less Christian to say that, let God judge me.  Is it not enough to be taught to believe in God from the time you were a child, to just grow up believing. I don’t have a testimony because that’s it…I grew up in a Christian family who said our prayers, believed God was in control of the whole world.  I took literally almost everything I learned from the Bible, is it not enough to live your life as fairly, honestly and true to God and yourself that you can? I don’t know all the answers, well heck… I don’t know any answers really, but I do the best I can. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not lost spiritually, I don’t need  a “real Christian” knocking on my door or any of that, because I don’t think anyone could convince me they have the answers either. I’m content with my relationship with God and with everyone in my life. Is it perfect no, but it’s real, and it’s honest. I think it was Socrates that said an unexamined life is not worth living. I don’t know about that, it seems rather blissful for someone who thinks all the time…but at least you have some convictions to call your own.

         So about these reoccurring thoughts…I wonder, does everyone have them, or am I just a good listener?

Gifts Are A Good Thing

    “Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free, 'Tis the gift”…. The words to that old song, written in the mid eighteen hundreds, still have a lot to say about gifts. The best gifts are thought out, simple, and freely given. What are your best gifts, and this time not family and things like that, but gifts you have received from someone?

     I have always abhorred the greedy nature that gift giving can take on, especially during Christmas. I don’t understand the whole, “make a list of what you want and I’ll fill the list”, mentality. I never allowed my kids to ask for more than one thing from Santa, and I will admit I kind of steered what they ask for, towards something I knew could get for sure! They used to ask me why they could only ask for one thing when some kids had a list a mile long. I used to explain that Santa only has room in his bag for one thing for each child. That took care of that!

      From Kerry and me, the kids always got about ten gifts each for Christmas. It’s the one time of the year we wanted them to have lots and lots of gifts to open. They were simple things, most of which I’d be buying over the course of the year anyway. I got things like their own packages of six little cereals for breakfast Christmas morning, (we opened our gifts Christmas Eve). They always got a new bed pillow for their beds to sleep extra good that night, a new pair of pajamas which I’d already washed so they were ready to wear to bed, a box or two with some kind of clothes, socks and underwear, their own six pack of soda (k that sounds horrible these days but I did..) and three or four toys that they really wanted. I knew what they really wanted because I spent a lot of time with them and I knew what each one really liked.

       Now that the kids are grown, I try to go with a theme of some sort. One year I got them all snowboard gear and we went snowboarding. The big kids hadn’t gone skiing or snowboarding since high school Luther league and Sydney had gone quite a few times but always rented her stuff. The next year I got them all six man tents, and they have all had a good time with them. I don’t know what they need anymore, so I still like to surprise them with some experience. I usually give them several small things leading up to the big one. For example, the camping year first they all got flashlights, camping forks, tent lights and several other little things moving up to a couple sleeping bags and the tent was the grand finale ha... They loved it! No one asks for any of it, or had any idea what they were getting, but they all loved it. This year they already know they are getting a cruise to the Bahamas! I just told Kerry last night the reason we got it so cheap was probably because October is hurricane season! I didn’t do my homework there. So hopefully that won’t happen.

       Some of my favorite gifts I have gotten have been a walking doll with blue frosted haired when I was ten from my parents. My horse Cowboy Clark from my Dad when I was eleven which was a total surprise!

      Probably one of the most unusual Christmas gifts I got from Mom was her own jewelry she bought herself as a souvenir from Hawaii.  She’d already worn them for about ten years. We didn’t know the extent of her Alzheimer’s and she gave me her coral/silver earrings complete with ear gunk from her ears still on them! I looked at my sister Kathy, like what in the heck? Then Kathy opened hers and got a similar turquoise set. We talked about it later, and wondered what was she thinking? Did she think she bought them for us and really forget she wore them for ten years? Is she worried about spending money at Christmas and knew they were hers? We hated to take them even.  What was going on in her mind we wondered? These days I can’t bring myself to wear those earrings in case I lose them, because I realize now, it was the beginning of the end for Mom.

      Kerry gave me a wooden paper towel rack once and I didn’t even know what it was...I still have it sitting by my toaster. It has traveled with me because he put thought into that. Not the most romantic thing but something we needed when we didn’t have a lot of money to spend on Christmas. My other favorite gift from Kerry was a new Bible one year. I was struggling with depression and he got me the newest version of the bible to replace my old King James with Elvis glued in the cover. Kerry wrote a whole page in the front cover about hoping it helps.

       When Brendon was in about the third grade he and I went to Minot with my friend and her son, who was his friend. The boys went shopping for us and we sat under the big clock in the center of the mall where we could watch the boys going from store to store. Brendon chose the prettiest black tiger eyes earrings for that Christmas Eve, and I still can see him in the jewelry store buying them. When Brendon was sixteen he got his first job at Kings Food Host as a bus boy.  For my birthday he bought me a hundred something dollar stereo for my birthday, which I kept for years long after it stopped working. I loved the stereo but the generosity he showed meant so much, because at sixteen you sometimes wonder if the kids even like you at all.

       Shelbey always bought me crystal from Home of Economy when Mom took her shopping for me when she was young. She would get in the store and be taken in by the crystal under the store lights. Another year she chose a gemstone bracelet from Penney’s and got the other kids to go in on the purchase. I saved it and she wanted me to wear it = so I did one day. We stopped to get gas. I was out pumping the gas and she was sitting in the car on the passenger side. I forgot about the step up cement block, and right in the middle of a sentence to her, I tripped and fell.  I slapped my wrist down on the pavement about ninety miles an hour bending all the prongs and messing up the bracelet!  She couldn’t stop laughing because I was there one minute and out of sight on the ground the next! Just call me Grace! Last year she sent me flowers in Minot after a rough time with Kerry and shocked me but good!

        Sydney loves to get me Brighton’s jewelry. I love each one she has gotten me. The girls got me an angel necklace and earrings from there when I had my hysterectomy. Because Sydney is with me a lot yet, she pays attention to what I am into at the time and gets me that. I got a pretty pink and blue necklace from Target that she saw me admire once and went back and got it. I’m still a jewelry freak, even though I make it now.  

         My favorite gift from Marcy was my scrapbook she made for my fiftieth birthday. Where she found time to make a big fat scrapbook while babysitting her Grandkids at the same time I have no idea! My favorite gift from Kathy was all the children’s books she and her family gave me last year. Although the Dept. 56 Halloween houses she gets me I love too.  

       Gifts are not about the expense of them, it’s about the thought put into them and whether it’s freely given from the heart. “Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free, 'Tis the gift”….

How Do You Measure Your Life?

　
     How will you measure your life? When you get to be my age (fifties), most of us that try to live a mindful life, start to come up with some sort of a measuring stick. I’ve heard it said that you either look back on your life with accomplishment or with regret.


     For a lot of people life and everything else it seems, is measured by money, money, money! Money can buy power, fame, lifestyle, and prestige. Sometimes money can even buy other people. I venture to say most people measure by money first, and foremost. I grew up in a family that was all about money. Sometimes it felt like money took precedence over people. “What does that cost“? “What did you have to give for that“? From that, I adopted my theory that money is just paper we use to get what want in life. I value what money can do, but people are first. It seems a lot of older people get almost obsessed about money…God, please spare me that down the road?


     Being the richest man in the world does not guarantee you are the happiest man in the world, by any measurement. Money beyond my family’s immediate needs has never been high on my lists of priorities. It’s important for security yes, but I could care less about how that moves me up, having to do with what people think of me. Some of the best people I know are the poorest, and some of the greediest people I know are the richest.

     How much success did you have in your career? Depending on which career, we use different measuring sticks. If you’re an athlete its all about awards, a writer wants a best seller, an singer a Grammy etc. If you have put all your eggs in the motherhood basket like I did, you measure what kind of people have we raised? I feel very proud of the people Kerry and I raised. They are all down to earth, sensitive (maybe a little too much so even), kind, caring, good people. They accept everyone, and support and love each other. We have had problems like everyone else but when you know better you do better and that’s all anyone can do.


     How am I doing compared to other people my age? Don’t you think that’s one of the most common measurements? This is a really flimsy measurement tool, because to many times we let other people measure our success. People can be so insensitive about making what others do for a career choice their business, and even being brass enough to comment on it.


     Sydney and I talk about this. She meets insensitive people all the time that say things like, “so this is what you want to do with your life…cut hair“? “Are you going to college for something“? She’s even had people tell her she could have done so much more with her life. It causes her to question herself, rather than pat herself on the back for going to a free technical program college that you could do while you were in high school if you had enough credits, had high enough grades, and followed a strict set of attendance rules etc. She can make as much in a day as someone with a four year degree and has no school loans to pay off. That money doesn’t come easy however. Doing hair is hard work - hard, hard work! People don’t think about holding your arms up most of the day, all the bending while doing shampoos, chapped hands and standing on your feet all day. It’s a hard job, but she balances that with the friendships she makes with her clients, and loves visiting and meeting new people and she’s good at it! Some would rather see her graduate from a 4 year college with a bunch of college loans and no job, than give her credit for doing what she’s done and does. I say if you are doing what you love to do, whether it’s the surgeon or the nurses assistant, you have already succeeded in your life, and it is after all, it’s your life.


     Regard, how do people regard me? I use that to measure my life to some extent. I really, care about what people think of me, but I care more what I think of me. I remember telling someone who said they don’t like me that, “I don’t care if you do or don’t like me…I live my life by my own moral compass”. I can honestly say I am never rude to anyone. I have the same regard for every person in this world…and I want the people that know me to hold me in positive regard, but I can’t be everything to everyone either. When I look in the mirror I like the internal person I am for the most part, it’s the outside I fight with mostly. I can easily fall into a self hate thing so that’s why I try to be like a duck and let the negative things roll off my back ( ok so I quack about em’ for awhile first!)


      My favorite measure of my success is, staying true to myself at the end of the day. I am sure above all, that God lays out a path, and it’s… your path, not someone else’s! He gave you talents and gifts to use in your own way, so comparing yourself with someone else is a waste of time, and kind of an insult to our Maker. I am thankful for my successes and pray for help, for my weak areas. No ones life that I know of, is all wild success with no failure. I have less regrets than accomplishments, so that tips the scale to success in my mind and… in my mind is all that matters. How do you measure your life?